Criticism

When was the last time one of your friends or acquaintances offered you constructive criticism? There are so many times that we, as individuals and as couples, begin to believe that we are right... sometimes (especially in my case) to a fault. In truth, most of my pride-filled moments of arrogance about my own correctness have ended in horrid embarrassment.

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.
Proverbs 3:7

But what about when we do this as a couple? Or, worse yet, what happens when we husbands refuse to lend an ear to the "wif-dom" that exists within our own home? Sometimes the wisest of all men is the one who realizes that there is GREAT wisdom in listening to his wife. (Okay... in my case it's closer to like 98.99% of the time.) We are, after all, to treat our wives as "joint heirs" and equals. Therefore, when we come up with a less-than-good idea, a little criticism could be just what the doctor ordered!
1 Pet 3:7

Aside from that, what about those times when we run into a roadblock in our marriage, and then guess who comes over??? That one couple that seemingly never has arguments or dissidence or even heated discussion... and they want to tell you how to fix it! But, and here's the tough part of all of this, why do we react as we do? We almost always jump to a position of defense, claiming that it is no one's business. I think it comes down to the simple human trait of pride. Especially as men, we do not want to seem as though we need any assistance in relating to our wives. And as for the wives, they do not want the appearance and inference that things are not perfect. We all have this picture-perfect Donna Reed image in our heads, and we spend so much time trying to live up to these unrealistic expectations that we end up wasting most of our time! Oddly enough, I was watching an episode of a favorite show of mine, and one character asked another, "why is it that when it comes to relationships, people refuse to take advice from those that have already been through it?" So........... why is that???

I cannot answer the question for you, because I have done my fair share of the song and dance that is refusing to take advice. However, as I think about how we are called to live, it seems to me that another character trait should supersede the pride; accountability. And, as we are called to support each other, we should also be held accountable to each other. After all, with prayer to start it off, followed by a healthy discussion of (the most often simple perception) a problem, a few open and honest comments among close friends in a safe place, and a prayer to close there should be no issue with simply taking advice. Throughout life we seek out mentors in all areas; work, school, bible study, etc. But when you got married, did someone suggest that you get a Mentor Couple? No one told us that...

Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
Proverbs 13:10

Did we give up, though? No. We have found so many people that have been open about overcoming the normal hills and mountains that married couples sometimes have to tackle. And we have been blessed from the hearing of their trials and successes!

If I could add one closing thought, though, I would say again that accountability is the key. And when I speak of accountability in this or any other article, please know that I speak specifically of personal accountability. I cannot sit around and wait until my wife does something nice for me before I do what I should as a husband. And the same is true in reverse. Finally, if we as married couples agree to hold ourselves up to this light, commit to fervent prayer for strengthening of this, His will, for our marriages, and never step away from our path... wow.
Eph 5:22-28

God bless you!!!